History in Real Life

The following is taken from the Monday edition of the Washington Post--February 2, 2009

With little in the way of new history to occupy themselves, two historians recently turned their attention to the matter of Martha Washington’s physical appearance as a young woman. One of the scholars, Mr. Eggins of the University of Maryland, is actually only twenty years old and is studying “Plant Science/Horticulture Arts” as his major, with a minor in American History. His first name is Donald, but he insisted on being referred to as “Mr. Eggins” for this article. His colleague, Dr. Ralph Azteca, has long been a force in the field of random writings about historical miscellanea. He is heir to the Azteca taco shell fortune. Another person, noted financial columnist Jane Bryant Quinn, became involved in the matter when Dr. Azteca inadvertently phoned her up.

The matter first came to light when Mr. Eggins, fond of shoes and something of an aficionado, spied a pair of young Martha’s footwear in a display case. He became frenzied, whirling about in circles, and describing eccentric orbits about the display case, such was his excitement at seeing the dainty shoes. “They were brilliant, and had little bows,” he would say many times afterwards. “They made me feel warm all over, tingly,” he said from his part-time job at the College Park, Maryland Wendy’s restaurant. He brought the shoes to the attention of Dr. Azteca, who immediately phoned the economist Quinn for no apparent reason.

Dr. Azteca and the young Mr. Eggins drove to the place where Eggins had seen the shoes, stopping several times along the route, owing to the extreme excitement of the young colleague and his need to run about outdoors. When they finally appeared before the display case, Dr. Azteca declared the moment an important time in American history, and his undergraduate companion unfolded a tattered yearbook photo of a classmate he’d fancied during his recent high school years. “That’s exactly what she must have looked like,” he exclaimed. Dr. Azteca, taking the photo and examining it closely, immediately agreed. “Yes, this is Martha Washington as a young woman,” he said.

The two phoned Dr. Quinn, who was not immediately available—but left her a message describing their findings.