Badger the Dog

This has nothing to do with home improvement, since there is very little activity happening in that regard. Most of the following events, however, actually happened.

The day was not going well for Marv. One of his young employees, just recently hired at the Chick ‘N Stix, was already late twice in two days. He’d had to counsel her, something that resulted in a bleary and teary response from the young woman, whose name was Dawn. He’d also had to suffer through an explanation, involving something to do with wedding preparations for Dawn’s mother, who was to be united with her third husband, and wanted everything to be perfect for the approaching event. It was Dawn’s responsibility to get together something presentable for the tables at the reception, and this seemed to include—from what Marv could tell—an inordinate amount of time spent on the selection of toothpicks. So Dawn had been thus engaged while she should have been attending to her duties at the Chick ‘N Stix.

But it didn’t end there. Exiting the steamy and cramped space that Marv claimed as his office in the back of the noisy carry-out, there was a commotion. Genny, a regular customer who often drove over from her job at the courier service for lunch, had pulled up to the drive-through window. While placing her order, her dog Badger—who often accompanied Genny to work--had spied food through the small window where you pick up the finished orders. Lunging across Genny’s lap, the last she saw of the twenty-five pound dog was his tail as he disappeared inside the restaurant. The mixed beagle knew exactly what he was going for, as he made straight for the milkshake machine, upsetting it and knocking its contents onto the floor. There he slurped quickly, while the startled drive-through employees screamed and ran around in confusion. This is the scene that Marv and Dawn came upon as the tardy fry-station operator was preparing to report back to work. Still upset and bleary about the unfair disciplinary action she’d had to endure, and resentful that her manager Marv could not see the importance of selecting something nice for her mother’s wedding, she stared at the scene unfolding before her. She knew intuitively that—although she had nothing to do with what was happening—it would somehow reflect badly on her.

“Get that goddamned dog out of here!” screamed Marv, while the employees cringed in fear at the rather diminutive canine. The only thing that Badger was threatening was the supply of milkshake mixture, which was already wasted and spreading on the floor. Now he became frightened at the commotion and the loud yelling, tried without success to jump onto the counter from which he’d catapulted himself, and managed only to pull himself up to the ledge, while his rear feet dangled. He could see Genny on the other side of the drive-through window, and wanted more than anything to get back to her and put this terrible confusion behind him. What Genny saw was her dog, barking in fear and bewilderment, hanging from the counter by his front paws. Behind him was a bad action movie sequence of people running around, sounds of yelling, incoherent shouts, and the manager making straight for Badger and unceremoniously hoisting him up and through the drive-through window from which he’d emanated. Dawn started to cry again.

Marv came to the window, now had to address this problem customer and her dog. First the unpleasant issue of counseling Dawn for her tardiness, and now this. It seemed never to end. He used his official position as manager of the Chick ‘N Stix to proclaim Genny and her dog forever banned from using the drive-through window again; if Genny were inclined to dine on the chicken offerings of his establishment in the future, she would have to come into the restaurant and place an order and carry it back to her car—which Marv said should be parked as far away from the door as possible.