Basement Windows

July 16, 2008

Today I spent most of the hours available puttering about with the one window I’ve removed completely down in the basement. As I fooled around with the different materials and pieces of wood I’d chosen for the project, it became apparent that I had absolutely no idea of what I was doing. Nothing was going to fit right, that much I knew. And it is pretty important to make a window fit as snugly as possible in the wall. Then those dreaded scenes came creeping into my mind: A crew of a few workers—or even one or two skilled installers—knocking out the whole job in less time than I was spending on one fucking window. They would come out, remove all the old windows in a few minutes, have the new ones installed in about an hour or less, and tidy things up with some new trim to get everything looking nice and modern. All five windows would be done, and they would have expended about as much brainpower on the project as it takes to open a can of soda. Maybe less.

In mid-afternoon, with the fatigue of over-thinking this simple project weighing on me, I went to the big colosso-box that is the rival of the other colosso-box. Their motto is: “Our boards are longer and stiffer than theirs!” Their windows were no closer to the dimensions that I needed for my openings down there, and the people at Ritchie had already told me that I was not going to get basement windows from them. They would be happy to build custom windows for the upper part of the house, but not down there. I consoled myself by buying a tool that I’ve wanted for some time: It fires .22 caliber bullets so that nails and similar fasteners can be driven straight into concrete. I saw one at work once, and thought it looked like fun. I’ll need it down in the basement, where I will be fastening things directly to the concrete block walls. The way it works is like this: You put a special nail in the end of the gizmo, then load it with one of the shells. Then you close the firing chamber, which looks a little like a gun, but not quite. Now you are ready to shoot the thing. You hold the end against the material (in this case a wooden board), and tap the firing pin with a hammer. It emits a loud report and the nail is shot straight through the wood and into the concrete, along with an anchor to hold it fast. My hope is that I don’t shoot my foot with it—but you would really have to try to do something like that. It seems fairly safe, insofar as that’s possible where you have a tool that shoots nails at high velocity.

Back to the windows. I called someone who advertised a tool online that I can use to make a groove into which I can fit the new windows. They only want forty bucks for this tool, which is called a router, and I know that they are fairly expensive to buy brand new. The man told me that he would demonstrate how it works, since I’ve never used one before. The plan is to make grooves in the new lumber that I’m using to build frames for the store-bought windows. If all goes well, the window will fit precisely into the groove, and I can then install the whole assembly as a unit into the wall where the window opening is. I can also secure the frame to the concrete blocks with my new .22 caliber shooter. This project may be completed sometime in the next few weeks, maybe sooner. As long as I don’t shoot my foot off.